Remembering

I feel as if I took having 4 grandparents around in my childhood for granted. Sometimes I feel as if I've taken a lot of things for granted, but that's a totally different story for a different day.

My parents come from the most amazing families. My mom's parents immigrated from Holland after WWII, and my dad's ancestors were a part of the pioneers that came to Utah. Talk about amazing. Our (Cal and my) family definitely has a lot to live up to!

When I moved to Utah it gave me the opportunity to really get to know my grandparents. It was my first time living so close to them, and I wanted to make every second count. I made sure to see both sets of grandparents at least once a week, and I learned so much from them.

My wonderful cousin, Pieter, came with me to my Oma and Opa's (my mom's parents) house every week. Soon Piete became one of my best friends... I really was starting to get the hang of the whole extended family thing, and I loved it!

Three years ago I encountered my first experience with death when my grandpa passed away. In all honesty, I'm not sure I would have held up without Pieter. He literally held me as I cried after saying goodbye to my grandpa... For the first time in my life I felt as if my heart

was breaking in half and I definitely did not know how to deal with it. My mom and brothers flew in the next night and it was so good to have them in SLC... Nothing is better for my soul than spending time with my family. Within a week my belief in the afterlife had grown tenfold.

My late grandpa's wife, my Oma, was very ill this past weekend. Pieter text me to tell me that she had an infection, and I wish I could say I handled it bravely and maintained my composure, but honestly I didn't. I called my aunt crying, then stayed up until midnight to call my mom about it (also crying haha). I spent a good portion of the weekend with my Oma and had horrible flashbacks to my last time seeing my grandpa. I just wanted my family, Cal and Pieter with me. (I think I now associate Pieter with a feeling comfort after losing a loved one.)

After prayers, positive thoughts and a whole lot of antibiotics, it appears as if my Oma is going to be fine for now. I spent a ton of time there today and it was the sweetest experience. Feeding her yogurt and cranberry juice made me feel so close to her, and to my grandpa that's passed. Oh how I miss my afternoon chats with them...

My dad's parents are also sick at the moment, but it's nothing serious. They are so wonderful -- they feed Cal and me almost every week! It's also because of them that we get to have our rehearsal dinner at Willow Creek Country Club. Most of all, they raised my father, one of the most wonderful men I have ever met.

Anyway, this post is not supposed to be this emotional. I swear I'm really not an emotional person... Family just is a tender spot for me. I am so grateful for my family and everything they have done. Not only that, but I'm grateful for believing in something more than this life. If I didn't I don't know what I would do. The thought of never seeing my grandpa again makes my insides ache. Good thing I don't need to worry about that!