Ophidiophobia

I am an ophidiophobic. That's right, I'm totally, 100% unreasonably afraid of snakes. Like scream, flap my arms, hands go numb, and pee my pants kind of afraid. (I wish I were exaggerating the things I do when I see snakes. Fortunately, I haven't peed my pants because of seeing a snake in about 15 years.)

This morning I went out onto the front porch to call my cousin because the back porch was too chilly. The front porch was lovely - warm because of the sun rising.

You can probably see where this is going.

Well, in the corner of the garden I saw this brown textured thing. I know snake texture anywhere. I ran into the house nearly crying - and definitely screaming, flapping my arms attached to my numb hands, and jumping up and down. The dog when nuts and came running. So did my mom.

I babbled something about snakes and my mom went outside to see.

She saw six - SIX!!!!! - snakes in the front garden. She called our local snake guy to make sure they weren't poisonous. (If they are, he comes and catches them. He was up at the house last week to catch a rattle snake.) He assured her they snakes are not poisonous. He also said that kind of snake is quite rare. He also said we're "super lucky to have the opportunity to see them" in our lifetime.

Super lucky my butt.

So now I'm afraid to even walk out the front door. Honestly, I'm terrified.

(The garden on the West side of the porch where all those terrifying things live.

Note that this picture was taken behind the screen door. I'm seriously too afraid to open it.)

My brother told me to make tons of noise when I walk out the front door so the snakes hear me and move away. I'm not entirely sure if he's telling the truth or not... But regardless, I plan on doing it. I'll probably look like the step-mom-to-be from the parent trap walking around banging sticks together.